I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
