sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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