I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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