he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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