the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
