god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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