Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
