i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
