careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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