I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
