I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
