New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
