Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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