I want to make a zoo with you.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
