My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ladies don't puke and tell
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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