Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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