I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
