What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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