Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he fucked my hip out of place.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize