she smelled like a LAN party
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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