Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
