Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
