I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
