Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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