just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
