4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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