Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
