Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
