I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
