so explain again why im purple
no
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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