Pants 0. Shit 1.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize