I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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