I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Watching her eat just hurts me
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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