maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
