yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
