Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
