I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
this hospital has no fireball
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
