just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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