Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize