You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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