actually, I'm a sock model
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
