so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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