I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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