Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
