My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize