"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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