I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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