ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
