Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
