We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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