the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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