Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
