I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
