Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize