Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
