Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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