is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
