Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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