you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
