just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
