haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
