Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize