"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
