I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize