I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
nutella sex= disaster
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
