I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize