Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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