my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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