Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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