question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
