and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
