its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
