You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
