he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
